Paid Sick Days Provide Essential Resource to Survivors August 23, 2011

Workers’ rights activists across the country have been building support for mandated paid sick days for the past several years at federal, state and local levels. Requiring businesses to provide paid sick leave for employees, typically around seven days per year for full-time workers, makes sense for employees, businesses and the general public.

Paid sick leave is a public health issue – the Institute for Women’s Policy Research (IWPR), which has done much of the most-cited research on paid sick days, found that employees who came to work while infected with H1N1 in 2009 infected over 7 million patrons, customers and coworkers. Paid sick days would enable these workers to stay home when they fall ill (or when they are needed to take care of sick family members), preventing the spread of disease.

Lower-wage workers are less likely to be provided paid sick days by their employers, even though they experience more obstacles than higher-salaried workers in finding childcare or taking off work and losing valuable wages that may force them to choose between medicine or groceries for the pay period.

Often missing from the discussion about paid sick days is its important value for individuals involved in abusive relationships or who are survivors of sexual assault. Violence prevention advocates often refer to paid leave as “paid safe days.” They can be used by survivors of abuse to seek medical treatment, counseling and shelter without losing pay or fearing retaliation from employers for missing work.

Allotting paid safe days to employees, especially knowing that abusers are often repeatedly physically, emotionally and sexually violent within their intimate relationships, seems like an undeniable resource survivors deserve. But Mike Rosen, a radio personality in Denver, where a referendum on paid sick leave will likely appear on the November ballot, dismissed the importance of paid safe days in a Denver Post editorial. He charged that because more women than men will be forced to take advantage of them, the policy isn’t worth employers’ support: “This is essentially about…female constituents. The paid ‘safe’ days are related to domestic violence issues. Men won’t be taking many of these.”

Although it’s true that men’s violence against women would comprise most need for paid safe days because of its frequency in comparison to violence perpetrated by women, Rosen flippantly misses the mark. We need to provide victims of intimate partner abuse, most of them women, any resources possible to empower them to seek help and simultaneously preserve their incomes, not selfishly dismiss their struggles because they are more frequently victimized than men.

Thankfully, paid leave coalition builders have achieved considerable success despite some detractors, having passed mandated sick days legislation in Washington, D.C., San Francisco and even most recently in the state of Connecticut. They are now targeting the cities of Denver, Philadelphia, Seattle and New York.

Advocates from the NC Justice Center attempted to pass mandated sick days in North Carolina in 2009, but the proposed law was defeated. However, an overwhelming 69% of voters nationwide supported paid sick leave laws in an IWPR study, and coalitions across the country continue to build steam and gain legislative victories. Hopefully the tides continue to turn toward policy that would protect survivors in our state, where more than 66,000 citizens received domestic violence support services in 2009 and 2010.

Foursquare May Have Safety Risks for Users August 16, 2011

Foursquare, a location-based social networking website for mobile phones that allows users to “check in” at locations of interest and compete with others for both virtual and real-life rewards, has grown in popularity to over 10 million users since its launch in 2009 (including, recently, President Obama). The program uses GPS to establish check-ins, which are then sent to users’ friends within the foursquare network and linked to Twitter and Facebook if they choose.

A recent Wall Street Journal study found that 60% of foursquare check-ins in a given week are made by men, as compared to 38% by women. Tech experts often explain tech differences like this in terms of men’s greater likelihood of becoming early adopters of social media, but foursquare’s statistics may be related to another concern for women users: safety.

I don’t use foursquare because of concerns about the safety of sharing my real-time location over the internet. But choosing not to use foursquare hasn’t completely protected me from location sharing because it has become a feature on other social media platforms as well. I realized recently I’d been accidentally broadcasting my location to all of my Twitter followers with every tweet because I had unknowingly clicked a button below the text box on my Android phone. My Twitter account is public, so I was shaken to realize how much information readers had been receiving.

Leo Hickman, a journalist for The Guardian, wrote an article last year about how he was able to stalk a random woman at a sporting event based on her foursquare posts. He raised concerns about privacy issues related to foursquare. “Sure, you might earn yourself a “free” decaf latte when you check in five times at a coffee shop, but at what price to your privacy?” Hickman wrote. In 2010, a San Francisco programmer was able to capture 875,000 supposedly private check-ins through a security loophole that was later fixed.

Location-based social media have exciting prospects, but some have noted that women in particular may not feel as free to use them for fear of unwanted surveillance. Especially for those involved in abusive relationships or for victims of stalkers, foursquare and programs like it could be used as weapons. And in a culture that frequently blames sexual assault victims because of their outfits or their level of intoxication, it doesn’t seem far-fetched that victims could also be blamed for “putting themselves out there” and inviting victimization by allowing others to view their locations on social media platforms.

Many tech experts say GPS-based apps will become even more ubiquitous in the future, and other social media platforms have already begun to adopt location-based elements. My experience with the GPS feature on Twitter caused me to scrutinize my privacy settings for my other social media accounts, but I still don’t feel confident I completely understand my chosen settings. I feel concerned that sites like Facebook may have made privacy deliberately complicated, causing users to choose more relaxed settings that allow advertisers to mine their data more easily.

How will developers be able to ensure safety as they continue to curate this technology? In a male-dominated field like computer science, how can we work to ensure an individual’s unique privacy concerns are taken into consideration throughout the development of new products? Leave a comment below to weigh in!

New DV Laws Have Mixed Results August 15, 2011

New laws intended to better protect victims of domestic violence have been passed in Connecticut and Kentucky.  Connecticut’s state legislature recently passed a bill that implements several critical measures aimed at protecting domestic violence victims from future harm.  The law gets rid of a provision which exempted abusers in dating relationships from being arrested for domestic violence.  Similarly the law allows people of any age, including minors, to get restraining orders against abusive partners.  This is particularly good news for teenagers because until now minors could only obtain protective orders against adults.  Lastly, the new law requires domestic violence offenders, who have been banned from possessing firearms, to surrender their weapons to police or federally-licensed firearms dealers.  Shockingly, before this bill was passed, these abusers had the right to surrender firearms to friends or family members.  This new law represents a major victory for domestic violence programs around the state.  Susan DeLeon, the director of Domestic Violence Services of Greater New Haven stated, “This is going to prevent people from dying.  It’s going to save lives.”

Similar efforts are being made in Kentucky.  In late 2009, Amanda Ross was fatally shot by former state legislator Steve Nunn.  Ross had obtained a protective order against Nunn six months before the murder.  Her death prompted House Speaker Greg Stumbo to propose Amanda’s Law.  Stumbo’s initial proposal would have allowed victims to request GPS monitoring of an abuser as soon as a domestic violence charge was filed in civil or criminal court.  However, the State Senate modified the bill.  Under the altered bill, an offender must commit a “substantial violation” of the protective order before GPS tracking can be requested.  A “substantial violation” includes kidnapping, terroristic threatening, or assault.  However, Amanda’s Law has had some positive effects.  The law requires judges, if requested by the petitioner, to review criminal backgrounds of offenders to determine if they have a pattern of violent behavior.  Since the law was enacted one year ago 25,843 background checks have been processed.

It will take more than legislation to end domestic violence, but improvements in the laws are necessary.  What do you think a good domestic violence law looks like?  How can you get involved to implement change?  Leave us a comment!

It Takes A Village… August 2, 2011

The concept of domestic violence as a “personal matter” and not a community concern hardly qualifies as novel. With 175 million registered users on Twitter alone and 4 million Tweets every hour, social media has become the way of connecting with others. But as it extends beyond our personal lives, further-reaching opportunities surface in tandem to speak out about injustices that we see and are frustrated by. In doing so, domestic violence is one of those injustices that has moved from the private into the very public consciousness of a larger world.  More of us are using social media to do good. An example of that is the recent case of Rumana Monzur.

Monzur, a Bangladeshi woman who had traveled as a Fulbright scholar to the University of British Colombia in Vancouver. She returned home in May missing her daughter and husband, to write her dissertation. After showing her husband pictures of her with a fellow male student, he attacked her, accusing her of having an extramarital affair.  He gouged out her eyes, leaving her blind and severely traumatized her daughter who stood by.

Domestic violence victims sometimes experience shame around their attacks and often believe if they had acted differently, perhaps their partners wouldn’t hurt them.  This shame  is not unique and pervades many discussions around interpersonal violence, regardless of geographic locations. Victims often worry that if they speak out against their abusers, their character and actions will be questioned.  This can be especially challenging when the abuser has become a part of the family.  No one wants to believe that the person that they have come to accept as a son or daughter in law is actually an abuser.

While Monzur might have suffered from these fears, her family and friends encouraged her to speak out about the attack.   A Facebook page detailing her attack as well as an online donation page for her recovery fueled by her family and friends were created so that her side of the story would be known. She also interviewed with a local Bangladeshi news station and posted the interview on Youtube.

The community of people who rallied around Monzur serves as a terrific example of how using social media can help all of us understand intimate partner violence as a public issue that collectively we have a social responsibility to eliminate.   Across the world activists in every imaginable area use social media to challenge that culture of shame and offer instead, a culture of support for victims.  These kind of public responses also put culpability back on the abuser where it belongs, rather than on the victim.   One woman’s example also encourages other victims of abuse to feel comfortable sharing their testimonies, “I lost my eyes,” says Monzur. “I don’t want anyone to suffer like I am suffering. It is horrible.”

Using social media to build awareness about interpersonal violence in one step that we can take to be active bystanders for survivors.  Social media also affords us the advantage of quiet activism, where we don’t need to be out in front at a rally or defending someone in a bar but behind our computer or smart phone.  We can quietly type away words of support on our Twitter feed,  a blog post (like this one!) or on our Facebook wall to our own network who influence us as we do them.  Any small step can be a great step.

What are some ways that you use social media to help raise awareness around issues that are important to you?  Leave us a comment.

Can I Ask You Something? July 28, 2011

On Sunday, July 24, the dismembered body of Laura Jean Ackerson was found in a creek in Richmond, Texas.  The alleged murderer is the father of her children, Grant Ruffin Hayes.  A few days before her death Laura Ackerson reconnected with an ex-boyfriend, James Harrison, via email.  In these emails, Ackerson told Harrison about her long custody battles with Hayes and how they “had taken a toll on her and had caused her a great deal of stress.”  Harrison said “clearly, the relationship had gone sour” but he did not want to invade her privacy, so he did not press her to talk about it too much.

Harrison’s decision not to ask Ackerson about her custody dispute could be seen as reflective of the coveted American value of the “right to privacy,”  but when does concern for an individual supersede that person’s right to privacy?  Domestic violence is not a private matter.  Ackerson and Harrison had not talked for several years prior to their email discussions.  What were Ackerson’s motives for informing Harrison of her personal struggles? Perhaps she was looking for support from anyone who would listen.

This raises an important question: What would you do if someone, however subtly, indicated that s/he needed your support?  Active listen.  If someone is telling you that s/he is struggling, with anything, give that person your undivided attention. Give them feedback to let them know you are listening.  This can be reassuring and it allows them to organize their thoughts and perhaps see them in different ways.  When you have an opening, ask a question.  This could be as basic as, “Do you feel safe?” If someone is approaching you with a problem, it is safe to assume that s/he trusts you.

How have you talked to someone about a problem that they were going through? Leave us your comments.

Tips for being an effective ally July 4, 2011

Being an effective ally to a survivor of domestic or sexual violence is not an easy task.  There are many good steps one can take to help a survivor and some are more obvious than others.  We would like to focus on the steps that are sometimes easy to overlook:

1. Believe her/him.
• When someone discloses the fact that s/he is a survivor of domestic or sexual violence, s/he is taking a huge risk.  Many victims are immediately labeled “false accusers” despite the fact that only a small percentage of accusations prove to be unfounded.  False accusation is brought up most often when the perpetrator is in a position of power.  Believing a survivor is a crucial first step in empowering her/him.
2. Provide support without taking over.
• Many victims have been in long-term relationships in which their abusers have gained more and more control over them.  Therefore the last thing we want to do is to exercise more control over them.  Supporting the survivor in gaining control over her/his own situation is vital to overall, long-term recovery.
3. Tell her/him that no one deserves to be abused.
• This is a short sentence that takes many survivors completely by surprise.  Survivors often blame themselves for their abuse, so being told that they did not deserve what happened to them can be incredibly empowering.
4. Don’t say anything against the abuser.
• This can be very tempting and it might seem like a good idea, but it can create a major roadblock to communication with the survivor.  Survivors often have strong, confusing feelings for their abusers.  No one falls in love with an abuser.  Victims fall in love with people who later reveal themselves as abusers.
5. Do not interpret, analyze, or diagnose.
• This can also be tempting, especially for those particularly interested in psychology or counseling.  The majority of us are not mental health professionals and we should not pretend that we are.  Interpreting, analyzing, or diagnosing people while they talk to us can distract us from doing the one thing that is consistently helpful: listening!
6. Learn more about domestic and sexual violence.
• As with any topic, knowledge is power.  Learning more about domestic or sexual violence will better prepare you to talk with survivors about their experiences.  Read books, attend classes or seminars, find local resources, or do anything else to expand your knowledge and gain tools to help survivors.
7. Take care of yourself.
• Self-care can be so easy to forget.  If you do not take care of yourself than how can you be expected to take care of someone else?  Self-care will be different for each individual but it might include taking a walk, keeping a journal, cooking, or just hanging out with friends.  Whatever your self-care is, take time to do it.

This is by no means a comprehensive list of what you should or should not do to help survivors.  It is simply a small set of reminders that can help you be an effective ally.  Want to learn more?  If you are a UNC student and want to be an effective ally, get HAVEN or One Act trained! Or learn volunteer with FVPC!  Our Fall training session starts Tuesday September 6 and runs for 6 weeks on Tuesday and Thursday evenings.  Call 929-3872 for more details.

How do short term benefits create long term concerns? June 30, 2011

It seems unheard of for teenagers to ask for more rules in their lives.  However according to a recent article in “People” magazine, students at St. Augustine High School in New Orleans asked for just that.  In response to the recent abolition of corporal punishment from Catholic and public schools in the United States, some teenagers and their parents are requesting a reinstatement of paddling as a punishment to provide more “structure and discipline” into students lives.

Corporal punishment is problematic for a few reasons.  It sends the message that violence is an acceptable response to anger, frustration or disagreement.  Violence is never an answer to conflict.  Corporal punishment, then, doesn’t model healthy conflict resolution skills; it merely espouses the “might is right” mentality.  Even when kids act out, it is important to engage them in a dialogue about WHY their actions are unacceptable instead of scaring them into behaving with the threat of violence.  Healthy, open conversation about inappropriate behavior is more likely to lead to long term behavioral changes.

Part of that conversation should include a mention of expectations.  The students assurance that paddling helps discipline them is alarming.  Why must discipline involve physical abuse?  Paddling sends the message (whether intentional or not) that when expectations are not met or rules are broken, physical force is justified.  And, if violence is the response from school administration to a student as a way to deal with conflict then why should it not be the answer in the future: for a work conflict when the student is an adult or as a parent struggling with a child?  Students are not only learning Physics and Spanish in school, they are also learning how to think and act as adults.

Additionally, though some of the teens maintain that paddling provided them with structure, this “structure” was clearly short term in nature, as the desire to follow rules went away as soon as the school quit physically punishing the students.  Sending the message that violence is the only way to add structure and / or to change a behavior can only lead to more violence in the future.

What are your thoughts on corporal punishment?  Leave us a comment!

Rihanna’s “Man Down” Video Draws Controversy June 23, 2011

The musical artist Rihanna is no stranger to controversy and her video for her new single “Man Down” is no exception. The video opens up to show Rihanna in a train station shooting a man in the back of the head. It then flashes back to the previous day, where Rihanna is shown dancing in a club with the same man, before she pushes him away and leaves by herself. He comes after her and while the video does not show anything explicitly, it implies that he sexually assaults her.

The “Man Down” video faces criticism from organizations like Parents Television Council, Fox News and Enough is Enough Campaign who claim that the video is overly violent and sends a bad message to young viewers. According to Paul Porter, the co-founder of Industry Ears, the video is “inexcusable, shock-only, shoot-and-kill theme song”.  Organizations like these have often criticized musical artists for including violent images in videos or violent lyrics in their songs, but their criticism of Rihanna has other disturbing implications about the tacit acceptance of sexual assault in our society, as well as the right for a woman who has been victimized to express herself artistically, if it includes violence.  From our perspective, there are a few problematic pieces in the backlash concerning Rihanna’s video.

First- criticism tends to focus  on the murder that occurs, while only lightly touching on the sexual assault.  Without the scene that shows the rapist being shot, this video would likely not have become national news for its overt violence.  None of the criticism of the video’s violence mentions Rihanna’s abuser pushing her against a wall, threatening her or throwing her to the ground after assaulting her.  These actions apparently don’t qualify as “too violent”. This disregard is alarming because it appears to reinforce the notion that the media fail to acknowledge violence against women as “real violence”.  “Real” violence is of course murder, like that shown in the video.   But while murder is a horrible crime, it is no less horrible than the physical abuse shown and implied sexual assault in the video.

Another problematic piece of this backlash is the implication that Rihanna is somehow a hypocrite in daring to release a video showing violence when she herself has been a victim of violence.  FOXNews’ Marc Rudov said, “Rihanna gets to have it both ways-accuse Chris Brown of domestic violence and be violent herself-because she’s a woman.”  The Parents Television Council offered similar thoughts, “Rihanna’s personal story…provided a golden opportunity for the singer to send an important message to female victims of rape and domestic violence. Instead of telling victims they should seek help, Rihanna released a music video that gives retaliation in the form of premeditated murder the imprimatur of acceptability.”  These reactions are alarming for a couple of reasons.  First, the implication that Rihanna’s depictions of violence in her video  negates her experiences as a survivor is both cruel and ignorant.  While we do  not condone violence of any kind, it’s important to recognize that IPV/SA survivors deal with the abuse that they have suffered in a variety of ways, often involving the use of art.  Secondly, one could argue that retaliation against a rapist is not the same as the senseless gratuitous violence that many mainstream videos feature.  Rihanna’s video doesn’t attempt to glamorize the killing of her rapist but, in her own words , seeks to warn women, “We always think it could NEVER be us, but in reality, it can happen to ANY of us! So ladies be careful and listen to yo mama! I love you and I care!”

Lastly, the media focus of Rihanna exclusively as a victim of violence, as opposed to a successful recording artist who has sold millions of CDs, they rob her of personal individuality as well as the right to heal from her abuse in the best way for her.  It’s important to remember that victims of IPV/SA can experience PTSD type symptoms during and/or after their abusive relationship.  We also know that victims may also slowly lose their sense of self as a result of the abuse.   Victims deal with their abuse in different ways.  Consider Elizabeth Smart and Rihanna.  Both are “victims” but reconcile their abuse very differently.  Both ways are okay. To help all victims’ healing and to be an effective ally, we must respect the choices that they make towards their own healing.  As Leslie Morgan Steiner at CNN says, “The only way to eradicate rape and violence against women is to respect victims who speak out, even when their stories are filled with rage and revenge fantasies that are, indeed, excruciating to listen to, because they ring true.”

There are no easy answers to the idea of victims of abuse responding with violence.  But by criticizing Rihanna’s video without critically analyzing a culture which condones and perpetuates rape we do a disservice to all survivors.

What do you think about Rhianna’s video?  Leave us your thoughts!

Come join us in free expression June 1, 2011

Back in April the Family Violence Prevention Center took part in a project called Photovoice. In this project primary and secondary survivors of domestic violence were able to express their feelings about their experiences through art. On Saturday, June 18th FVPC is offering survivors of abuse another opportunity to express themselves.

The workshop is called SoulCollage, and it will offer victims the opportunity to begin creating a visual journal to gain insight, find answers and reflect on their journey through life. The cards that the participants will create will have deep personal meaning that will help them with life’s questions and transitions.

This is a free workshop offered to women who have experienced emotional, verbal, physical or sexual abuse at any point in their life. The workshop will last from 9:00 a.m.-4:30 p.m. and all supplies will be provided. No art experience is necessary.

The workshop will be held in Chapel Hill. To register or ask questions, please contact Ardith at (919) 929-7122 at the Family Violence Prevention Center of Orange County.

This program is supported by the Orange County Arts Commission with funds from the Grassroots Program of the NC Arts Council.  This workshop is a collaboration between FVPC and the Orange County Rape Crisis Center.

Free SoulCollage Workshop in Chapel Hill

Saturday, June 18th 9-4:30

Contact Ardith at (919) 929-7122

How does domestic violence affect children? May 23, 2011

The mass media constantly bombards us with stories such as that of a 4-year old girl found beaten and tortured in Smithfield NC; or Marchella Pierce ; starved and drugged by her own mother? What about all of the children that do not make headline news? What about the children who continue living in a home where  domestic violence exists?  Recent articles published by the Joyful Heart Foundation illustrate the affects that just witnessing inter-personal violence has on children.

According to the Joyful Heart Foundation, children who are chronically exposed to domestic violence can develop many significant long term effects. The scale ranges from academic and behavioral problems in adolescence all the way to having changes in their brain physiology and function. When children live in a hostile environment, they create strategies and behavioral patterns that will allow them to avoid the violence.

Often children will go to extreme measures in order to please the violent parent. One 8-year-old girl wrote about trying to be nice, staying out of trouble, and getting home early so she could stay out of her father’s way.  Other children will attempt to side with the abusive parent in the hope of not being the next target. While even more children resort to creating their own world inside of their head in order to escape reality.

While these children find temporary safety in their routines and patterns, the long term affects of these practices are highly detrimental. These patterns become ingrained as habits. Spacing out in school can lead to poor performance, and being in a state of constant anxiety can lead to serious mental problems such as post traumatic stress disorder. Also, according to the Joyful Heart Foundation, when children are constantly in a state of emotional turmoil, reaching developmental milestones such as differentiation from one’s parents, very difficult and painful.

According to a recent op-ed featured in The New York Times, the annual cost of childhood maltreatment is $103.8 billion. Currently only about $40 million has been invested in the National Child Traumatic Stress Network.  This organization has treated over 300,000 children in the time span of just seven years.

Many domestic violence programs offer a limited number of services geared towards children. At the Family Violence Prevention Center, we do not take individual children as clients, but we do have a coping skills group for children as well as community education programming in the Chapel Hill Carrboro City Schools. Let’s help ensure that National Child Traumatic Stress Network has a strong future, helping to ensure that traumatized children have a place to get help. For more information please visit the National Child Traumatic Stress Network website.