How do short term benefits create long term concerns? June 30, 2011

It seems unheard of for teenagers to ask for more rules in their lives.  However according to a recent article in “People” magazine, students at St. Augustine High School in New Orleans asked for just that.  In response to the recent abolition of corporal punishment from Catholic and public schools in the United States, some teenagers and their parents are requesting a reinstatement of paddling as a punishment to provide more “structure and discipline” into students lives.

Corporal punishment is problematic for a few reasons.  It sends the message that violence is an acceptable response to anger, frustration or disagreement.  Violence is never an answer to conflict.  Corporal punishment, then, doesn’t model healthy conflict resolution skills; it merely espouses the “might is right” mentality.  Even when kids act out, it is important to engage them in a dialogue about WHY their actions are unacceptable instead of scaring them into behaving with the threat of violence.  Healthy, open conversation about inappropriate behavior is more likely to lead to long term behavioral changes.

Part of that conversation should include a mention of expectations.  The students assurance that paddling helps discipline them is alarming.  Why must discipline involve physical abuse?  Paddling sends the message (whether intentional or not) that when expectations are not met or rules are broken, physical force is justified.  And, if violence is the response from school administration to a student as a way to deal with conflict then why should it not be the answer in the future: for a work conflict when the student is an adult or as a parent struggling with a child?  Students are not only learning Physics and Spanish in school, they are also learning how to think and act as adults.

Additionally, though some of the teens maintain that paddling provided them with structure, this “structure” was clearly short term in nature, as the desire to follow rules went away as soon as the school quit physically punishing the students.  Sending the message that violence is the only way to add structure and / or to change a behavior can only lead to more violence in the future.

What are your thoughts on corporal punishment?  Leave us a comment!

Rihanna’s “Man Down” Video Draws Controversy June 23, 2011

The musical artist Rihanna is no stranger to controversy and her video for her new single “Man Down” is no exception. The video opens up to show Rihanna in a train station shooting a man in the back of the head. It then flashes back to the previous day, where Rihanna is shown dancing in a club with the same man, before she pushes him away and leaves by herself. He comes after her and while the video does not show anything explicitly, it implies that he sexually assaults her.

The “Man Down” video faces criticism from organizations like Parents Television Council, Fox News and Enough is Enough Campaign who claim that the video is overly violent and sends a bad message to young viewers. According to Paul Porter, the co-founder of Industry Ears, the video is “inexcusable, shock-only, shoot-and-kill theme song”.  Organizations like these have often criticized musical artists for including violent images in videos or violent lyrics in their songs, but their criticism of Rihanna has other disturbing implications about the tacit acceptance of sexual assault in our society, as well as the right for a woman who has been victimized to express herself artistically, if it includes violence.  From our perspective, there are a few problematic pieces in the backlash concerning Rihanna’s video.

First- criticism tends to focus  on the murder that occurs, while only lightly touching on the sexual assault.  Without the scene that shows the rapist being shot, this video would likely not have become national news for its overt violence.  None of the criticism of the video’s violence mentions Rihanna’s abuser pushing her against a wall, threatening her or throwing her to the ground after assaulting her.  These actions apparently don’t qualify as “too violent”. This disregard is alarming because it appears to reinforce the notion that the media fail to acknowledge violence against women as “real violence”.  “Real” violence is of course murder, like that shown in the video.   But while murder is a horrible crime, it is no less horrible than the physical abuse shown and implied sexual assault in the video.

Another problematic piece of this backlash is the implication that Rihanna is somehow a hypocrite in daring to release a video showing violence when she herself has been a victim of violence.  FOXNews’ Marc Rudov said, “Rihanna gets to have it both ways-accuse Chris Brown of domestic violence and be violent herself-because she’s a woman.”  The Parents Television Council offered similar thoughts, “Rihanna’s personal story…provided a golden opportunity for the singer to send an important message to female victims of rape and domestic violence. Instead of telling victims they should seek help, Rihanna released a music video that gives retaliation in the form of premeditated murder the imprimatur of acceptability.”  These reactions are alarming for a couple of reasons.  First, the implication that Rihanna’s depictions of violence in her video  negates her experiences as a survivor is both cruel and ignorant.  While we do  not condone violence of any kind, it’s important to recognize that IPV/SA survivors deal with the abuse that they have suffered in a variety of ways, often involving the use of art.  Secondly, one could argue that retaliation against a rapist is not the same as the senseless gratuitous violence that many mainstream videos feature.  Rihanna’s video doesn’t attempt to glamorize the killing of her rapist but, in her own words , seeks to warn women, “We always think it could NEVER be us, but in reality, it can happen to ANY of us! So ladies be careful and listen to yo mama! I love you and I care!”

Lastly, the media focus of Rihanna exclusively as a victim of violence, as opposed to a successful recording artist who has sold millions of CDs, they rob her of personal individuality as well as the right to heal from her abuse in the best way for her.  It’s important to remember that victims of IPV/SA can experience PTSD type symptoms during and/or after their abusive relationship.  We also know that victims may also slowly lose their sense of self as a result of the abuse.   Victims deal with their abuse in different ways.  Consider Elizabeth Smart and Rihanna.  Both are “victims” but reconcile their abuse very differently.  Both ways are okay. To help all victims’ healing and to be an effective ally, we must respect the choices that they make towards their own healing.  As Leslie Morgan Steiner at CNN says, “The only way to eradicate rape and violence against women is to respect victims who speak out, even when their stories are filled with rage and revenge fantasies that are, indeed, excruciating to listen to, because they ring true.”

There are no easy answers to the idea of victims of abuse responding with violence.  But by criticizing Rihanna’s video without critically analyzing a culture which condones and perpetuates rape we do a disservice to all survivors.

What do you think about Rhianna’s video?  Leave us your thoughts!

The Power of Being an Active Bystander June 17, 2011

In 2008 a 16-year-old high school cheerleader, identified as H.S., was sexually assaulted by three men at her school, one of whom, Rakheem Bolton, was a basketball player. Although Bolton received a year long prison sentence as well as a fine and two years of probation, throughout these past few years there was much debate about what type of punishment he should receive. At one point he was even allowed back into Silsbee high school and and allowed to take up his old position on the basket ball team.

H.S. refused to cheer for Bolton during his free throws. According to Ms. Magazine, the chant that she was expected to yell was, “two, four, six, eight, ten come on Rakheem put it in!” Instead of supporting or understanding H.S’s decision, the school kicked her off of the cheer leading squad effectively condoning Bolton’s actions and placing blame on the victim. When her parents filed a law suit against the school, not only did they lose the case, but the school is making them cover the trial costs which add up to $35,000.

When Artist Jason Ho heard about this injustice, he decided to do something about it. Ho is an illustrator and art director at Bongo Comics who has a blog called “Oh Snap! The Friggin Amazing J. Ho Sketch Blog…” He posted the story on his blog and sent out the word that he would hand draw sketches for people in trade for a $20 donation. The donation would go to H.S’s family to aid with the legal expenses.

The response was overwhelming. He planned on taking 20 requests, but within a matter of days had over 140! Ho epitomizes supporting survivors of sexual assault and domestic violence. He has never met this family before, and he is not rushing out to Texas to rally protesters; he is simply doing what is within his reach to help a family in need.

People like Jason Ho are a dose of encouragement and optimism for anyone who has ever felt strongly about a cause but did not know what to do. He shows us that anyone can make a difference, and that one person’s idea can help change lives. Ho in partnership with the Help a Cheerleader  site have managed to change H.S.’s life as well as her families, not just with the financial support, but also with psychological support. This family has the comfort of knowing that people all around the country believe that they were wronged by the justice system, and are willing to help them through their struggle.

If you want more information about how you can be an active bystander or how to support victims of interpersonal violence please contact the Family Violence Prevention Center  at (919) 929-7122.   We can all be active bystanders in our own unique ways and one persons’ actions can play a huge part in supporting and advocating for survivors and in ending interpersonal violence.

Power, Privilege and Sexual Assualt June 13, 2011

Former IMF President (he resigned 5/19) Dominique Strauss-Kahn was accused of assaulting a hotel maid in Manhattan.   While Strauss-Kahn has portrayed himself as a victim (complaining about his “unfair” treatment after his arrest) to a woman lying to get attention and money, his record around sexual assault is hardly clean.  Since the assault two weeks ago, another woman Tristane Banon has come forward alleging that Strauss-Kahn assaulted her in 2007 while she attempted to interview him.  She discussed his sexist and disrespectful behavior towards women in the past.  The incident of alleged assault with this New York hotel service worker was not an isolated incident but rather a manifestation of the power and privilege afforded to Strauss-Kahn because of his position in the international community.  The women Strauss-Kahn harassed were inferior to him whether in employment positions or in class or race status.  His assumption that he could have sexual relations with this maid in Manhattan because of her social and class location relative to him is both disturbing and unfair. 

Ms. Magazine wrote had interesting commentary about men in power and their assumptions regarding consent. Author Michael Kimmel discusses both the New York Times and Time Magazine article’s theorizing why powerful men cheat and linking the phenomena of power with perceived consent and willingness of women to engage in sexual activity with men in high profile positions.  Kimmel references the gang rape of a young woman by football recruits at the University of Colorado in 2001.  While the athletes perceived that a majority of women wanted to have sex with them, in reality it was about one percent of women who were actually interested, their celebrity status so distorted their vision that they misconceived the sexual interest of women they encountered  Kimmel states: “This distorted perception goes to the heart of the Strauss-Kahn case. Because of his status, he may well have encountered women who let their availability be known. Just as obviously, he needn’t have acted on it. Being human, men are capable of making choices about when and with whom to unzip their trousers.”    The Strauss-Kahn case illustrates the entitlement that powerful men often feel that they deserve or have access to women because of their status.  While the woman Strauss-Kahn assaulted felt violated and clearly did not agree to any kind of sexual activity with him, it’s possible he perceived it as consensual because of his inflated sense of self worth.  Regardless of what Strauss-Kahn perceived that does not excuse his actions or justify his assault of that woman.

Tiffany Williams, Advocacy Director of the “Break the Chain” campaign, a project of the institute of policy studies in Washington DC focusing on providing social services to domestic workers who are victims of human trafficking or worker exploitation discusses how women in lower status jobs are often exploited by their bosses or clients in higher status positions.  She states  “Women who are household workers or “servants” are even more vulnerable to dehumanizing sexual assault than others because their relationships are inherently unequal to their employers.”  The story of men in privileged, powerful positions like Strauss-Kahn’s taking advantage of women in lower-status occupations is not new news.  Frankly, neither is the victim blaming response that always tends to surface in the media frenzy. (Recall Lara Logan).  This is a tired, perpetually insulting story that women set men up and then “cry rape” to get money from them or being more concerned about how assailants like Strauss-Kahn will “put their lives back together” rather than how victims will heal with and cope from the trauma of assault.

Every victim of abuse of any kind deserves to be supported and believed.  If you or someone you know is feeling unsafe or have been hurt call our hotline at 919-929-7122 to speak with a trained advocate.  Abuse is never a victims fault and they deserve compassion and to be believed.

Elizabeth Smart: How Do We Judge Other’s Trauma? June 10, 2011

Brian Mitchell, the man who kidnapped Elizabeth Smart when she was 14, held her captive and raped her repeatedly was sentenced to life in prison.   Previously Mitchell’s lawyer argued that he should receive a lighter sentence because Smart is a “survivor” and hadn’t suffered “extreme psychological injury.”   What Elizabeth suffered is something no one should ever have to experience and it is interesting that the defense felt they had the right to judge another person’s level of trauma or suffering.  The defense team for Mitchell may not have intended to hurt Elizabeth Smart but

President George W. Bush greets Elizabeth Smart and her mother Lois in the Roosevelt Room of the White House in 2003

to insinuate that there is one specific way to respond to trauma or that because she has healed and is moving forward with her life, that she didn’t suffer intense emotional damage at the hands of Mitchell is both insensitive and ignorant.  Despite the fact that Elizabeth has remained collected throughout the trial and relied heavily on her faith to try to heal from this trauma, does not mean that she won’t be triggered later on or that her suffering is somehow less legitimate.  Smart may be in one of the various stages of Rape Trauma Syndrome-a form of PTSD recognized by the medical community as similar to the symptoms soldiers experience after battle.  Rape Trauma Syndrome has four stages:

1. Anticipatory Stage: When  a survivor starts experiencing feelings of unease or discontent, realizing something is not right.

2. Impact: When a survivor does things that don’t mke sense to self or others.

3. Reconstruction: This stage can last for years and can be a range of responses and emotions but anger is most common.  This can be a spring board for action (seeking justice or receiving counseling) but can also be turned inward.

4. Resolution: The stage is when a survivor assimilates the act of violence into their overall life experience and it no longer hinders them from being able to live their lives.  Getting to this stage can be greatly hindered or helped by the kind of  support a survivor receives in their healing.

(This definition of Rape Trauma Syndrome was taken from the Orange County Rape Crisis Center)

We don’t know what stage Elizabeth Smart is in in her recovery process, but regardless of her ability to cope with this trauma, her struggle and pain throughout this experience deserves support, not judgment about her reaction.  As Smart stated in her testimony, Mitchell’s actions were intentional and traumatic and he deserves the sentence he received.  Despite her moving forward with her life and beginning to heal, she suffered traumas which can never be undone.  Victims of any kind of abuse deserve support, regardless of their reaction to the trauma they’ve experienced.  No 0ne has  right to judge the way a victim responds to abuse.   At FVPC we believe in fully supporting and advocating for survivors.   If you or someone you know is a victim of abuse call our hotline at 919-929-7122 to speak to a trained advocate.

The Damaging Effects of Using “rape” As a Slang Word June 8, 2011

Recently in Ms. Magazine’s blog  a blog post examined the complacency with which people use the word rape. Many of us have heard friends, acquaintances, or even family members use the word rape in a positive or lighthearted manner. For example, I have heard people playing video games and saying something like, “I’m going to rape you at this!”  This is expression is careless and insensitive at best and cruel and violent at the worst.  As the blog post points out, this usage of the word rape would not be met with horrified silence or outrage but laughter.

We often become desensitized to the actual meaning of a word because it is used frivolously and often. Words such as gay, queer and retarded have become socially acceptable slang words, despite the harmful effects that has on individuals who identify as queer or who have mental or physical disabilities.   The word “rape” is following suit, being used in casual popular lexicon on a daily basis. For the victims of rape, their sexual assaults are often some of the most traumatic and heart wrenching experiences anyone could ever go through.  To use the same word describing their assaults synonymously with doing poorly on a test or defeating an opposing sporting team by a large margin is not only insensitive, it’s cruel.   Regardless of intention,  using the word  “rape” casually reinforces the idea that sexual assault is not an important enough crime or trauma to be taken seriously.

By continuing to use the word “rape” as a slang term, we lessen the impact of that word as well as cheapen victims’ experiences. Rape should not be something that we condone in any way and continuing to allow this usage is perpetuating the idea that our society is okay with rape and violence towards women.

Anyone can help put an end to this new trend by being an active bystander and speaking up about being uncomfortable when people use “rape” casually. For more information please call the Family Violence Prevention Center at (919)-929-7122

Come Out and Listen to Music to Benefit FVPC! June 6, 2011

Thao and Mirah two musicians who are touring together and were recently featured on NPR will be playing at Local 506 in Chapel Hill on Saturday, June 11th and have chosen the Family Violence Prevention Center to benefit as a part of the proceeds.  Tickets are $14 in advance and $15 at the door.

We are grateful to Air Traffic Control, a non-profit that works with the music community around social activism and philanthropy, for their efforts in facilitating this gift.

Don’t miss this great show and a great opportunity to give back to FVPC!

Come join us in free expression June 1, 2011

Back in April the Family Violence Prevention Center took part in a project called Photovoice. In this project primary and secondary survivors of domestic violence were able to express their feelings about their experiences through art. On Saturday, June 18th FVPC is offering survivors of abuse another opportunity to express themselves.

The workshop is called SoulCollage, and it will offer victims the opportunity to begin creating a visual journal to gain insight, find answers and reflect on their journey through life. The cards that the participants will create will have deep personal meaning that will help them with life’s questions and transitions.

This is a free workshop offered to women who have experienced emotional, verbal, physical or sexual abuse at any point in their life. The workshop will last from 9:00 a.m.-4:30 p.m. and all supplies will be provided. No art experience is necessary.

The workshop will be held in Chapel Hill. To register or ask questions, please contact Ardith at (919) 929-7122 at the Family Violence Prevention Center of Orange County.

This program is supported by the Orange County Arts Commission with funds from the Grassroots Program of the NC Arts Council.  This workshop is a collaboration between FVPC and the Orange County Rape Crisis Center.

Free SoulCollage Workshop in Chapel Hill

Saturday, June 18th 9-4:30

Contact Ardith at (919) 929-7122