When: TOMORROW August 28th 10a.m.-12p.m.
Where: In the Fellowship Hall at Holy Trinity Lutheran Church (the “old” church)
What: Bring $5 to get five articles of clothing, $10 for ten articles
All donations go to a fun, thrifty fundraiser: Naked Lady Clothing Swap!
Questions? Call the office at 929-3872 or leave a comment below. Come on out tomorrow!
Francisco Rodriguez
In the recent Sports Illustrated article “A Double Standard When It Comes To Athletes and Domestic Violence” , Jeff Benedict discusses the blinders that we as a nation have put up when in comes to athletes being abusers. In the last two weeks alone three professional athletes either verbally or physically assaulted their partners in public. Lance Stephenson of the Indiana Pacers attacked the 21 year old mother of his child, pushed her down a flight of steps and bashed her head into the bottom one. Four days earlier New York Mets pitcher Francisco Rodriguez was arrested for assaulting the grandfather of his infant twins, who had stepped in to defend his daughter whom Rodriguez was verbally assaulting. Mark Fields, former Carolina Panthers linebacker, choked and beat the mother of his six year old daughter before throwing her to the ground and threatening to kill her.
Historically, we have thought of DV as a “private” crime that occurs behind closed doors away from the public eye. And yet these three athletes could not have picked more public locations to berate and abuse their partners and no one stepped in to stop them. A large part of why athletes can exhibit these kinds of behaviors results from their assurance in their fame and status to lessen the consequences of their actions. For example Stephenson, a star athlete in his high school, sexually assaulted a 17 year old girl in his school However after pleading guilty to a reduced charge of disorderly conduct the University of Cincinnati still offered him a full scholarship, he became the Big East’s Rookie of the Year in 2010 and was drafted by the Indiana Pacers in June. He then went on to assault his girlfriend last week.
In discussions by their managers for penalties for Stephenson and Rodriguez the focus seems to lie in what their behavior reflects about their respective teams images and how this will affect fan’s emotional and financial support. These athletes are reprimanded not because of the emotional and physical pain they’ve caused their partners, but because of damage they’re doing to their teams reputations and financial statuses.
Lance Stephenson
However, professional male athletes serve as role models to thousands of adolescents, particularly boys. Their abusive behavior and the dismissive attitudes of coaches, owners and fans towards it, perpetuates the idea that masculinity is obtained through physical dominance and subjugation of others. As young men watch and emulate these athletes, a vicious cycle of violent masculine ideals are normalized. I’ve heard people say “Well sure the guy has a terrible personal life but that has nothing to do with his athletic career and ability. Let him play!”. As long as professional athletes serve as cultural icons of masculinity and their abusive behaviors are excused as “personal drama” we do an immense disservice to victims by minimizing the real pain caused by domestic abuse. We have a responsibility to victims to advocate for their rights and to address the severity of abusive behavior, no matter how famous the abuser is.
What do you think about athletes suffering less severe consequences for domestic abuse? Leave us your thoughts!
Recently several reports of local child abuse cases have appeared in the news: Teghan Skiba, who died as a result of the physical abuse that was inflicted on her by her mother’s boyfriend; Devean C. Duley and Ja’van T. Duley whose mother allegedly suffocated them, then faked their deaths by driving her car into a lake; and DeVarion Gross whose mother allegedly killed him and attempted to conceal his death for six weeks. Child abuse is one of the most emotional and challenging aspects on the spectrum of domestic violence.
Child victims suffer severe physical, emotional and behavioral consequences that can last well beyond the length of abuse. The severity of these symptoms increases the younger the child is. Unlike adults, children lack free will –unable to leave the house or even feed or clothe themselves–as well as the resources to be able to cope with abuse such as calling for help. Parents are usually who a child turns to for help since their interaction with other adults is so limited. When parents abuse their children it is a gross violation of the trust and security that a child has placed in a parent.
Until recently, the only child services that we offered here at FVPC was the free childcare for moms who attend our support group. However, FVPC volunteer Liz McInerney, a long-time advocate for children at the Center, started a children’s coping skills group at a local shelter with the help of our Crisis Response Director. Earlier this summer Liz, a rising senior at UNC-Chapel Hill, received a Robert E. Bryan Public Service Fellowship which granted her funding to be able to make this group a reality. This group recently ended with many positive results and with plans to continue providing these essential services to children in need in Orange County. Without volunteers like Liz, however, this work would not be possible. Click here to read Liz’s blog for more information about what she learned.
For children without resources like a coping skills group, often there are little options. Interestingly, Child Protective Services -a division of the Department of Social Services- did not exist until 1874 when Henry Bergh, the founder of the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals intervened on an abused child’s behalf, by deeming her an animal and with that claim allowing her protection under the law. The Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children was formed. Today every state has a child protective services (CPS) system in place.
The abuse of innocent children-voiceless and lacking independence-is one of the most egregious offenses. One of the statistics that we cite in our Community Education program, The Affects of Domestic Violence on Children, is that abuse or neglect as a child increases the risk of arrest as a juvenile by 53%, as an adult by 38%, and for a violent crime by 38%. These are scary numbers. What can you do? Here’s one idea.
Most people associate specific images with domestic violence. The most prevalent stereotype for who is a victim is usually lower income, uneducated, a woman of color. At FVPC we know that victims of domestic violence come from all walks of life. Victims can be any race, any sexual orientation, any socio-economic status and any gender.
It is difficult to determine the exact percentage of male victims of domestic violence. Studies that report men to be the victims of abuse as frequently as women are often flawed and use poor research designs. The National Institute of Justice discovered that the The National Family Violence Survey (NFVS) found equal rates of domestic assault between women and men are based on data compiled through the Conflic Tactics Scale (CTS), a survey tool developed in the 1970′s. CTS may not be appropriate for intimate partner violence research because it does not measure control, coercion, or the motives for conflict tactics; it also leaves out sexual assault and violence by ex-spouses or partners and does not determine who initiated the violence. A review of the research found that violence is instrumental in maintaining control and that more than 90 percent of “systematic, persistent, and injurious” violence is perpetrated by men (Kimmel, Michael S. “‘Gender Symmetry’ in Domestic Violence: A Substantive and Methodological Research Review,” Violence Against Women 8(11) November 2002: 1332–1363.).
Many social stigmas exist around male clients coming forward to report abuse whether in heterosexual or LGBTQ relationships. Heterosexual male clients often worry that no one will believe they are being abused and that they are somehow less masculine because of suffering abuse from their female partners. A 2001 U.S. study revealed that 85 percent of the victims were female with a male batterer. However, the other 15 percent includes intimate partner violence in gay and lesbian relationships and men who were battered by a female partner. (Rennison, C.M., U.S. Bureau of Justice Statistics. Crime Data Brief, Intimate Partner Violence, 1993-2001. 2003). Most of the men that we see in our offices are men who are being abused by their same-sex partner. Homosexual male abuse is often treated as less serious or hurtful than heterosexual abuse. Police are often more likely to make dual arrests when responding to an incident that involved a same-sex couple.
No matter what one’s gender or sexual orientation, we all deserve respect physically, sexually, emotionally and verbally in our relationships. If you’re feeling uncomfortable or unhappy in your relationship call our hotline (919-929-7122) or come in to speak to an advocate.
Sociological Images, a blog which focuses on examining current events through a sociological perspective, recently wrote a post about a survey conducted by a Christian website on conservative Christian men’s thoughts on modesty. The survey had some interesting results, however the most interesting facet of the study lies in the asymmetry of the project, as the article puts it: “the lust is men’s; the bodies are women’s”. In order to “act modest”, women must do a great deal of self monitoring, not only with the outfits that they wear, but also with the way they present themselves in action and attitude. Women thus become inherently (and unfairly) responsible for men’s feelings, emotions and actions against their bodies.
The similarity between domestic violence situations is striking. Many abusers mimic this mentality of excusing their behavior by using their victim’s actions as the reason for their abusive behaviors. We hear this from our clients regularly. Clients will come in and say, “he told me that he hit me because I talked back to him” or “I didn’t pick up my phone when he called and so he started calling me names and accusing me of being unfaithful.” Because of how much control abusers have over victims, it can become difficult for victims to see the flawed logic in statements like this.
When someone comes to you to discuss a personal situation-whether or not it is one of abuse- it’s important to actively listen without passing judgment. If you don’t feel like you can do this for someone, tell them and suggest an alternate option such as calling a local crisis center or their therapist. One of the most damaging things for a victim is to reveal an incident of abuse and then be questioned about the accuracy of their story or to insinuate that they prompted the abuse. When we judge someone on their story or wonder aloud if they are to blame, we are then doing to the speaker what the abuser has done to them: shift responsibility to them and take away their power. The choice to abuse is a purposeful and calculated decision by the abuser. A victim’s actions never warrant abusive behavior from a partner. We are all responsible for our own individual choices. When we look to others actions to excuse our behavior, we unfairly shift responsibility for our decisions to them.
How would you respond to someone who blames another person’s actions for their own behavior? Leave us your thoughts!
On average, more than 3 women are murdered by their boyfriend or husband on a daily basis in the United States. While this number is shockingly high, thankfully it is not representative of the clients that we see on a daily basis. Our clients deal with a range of abuse on a regular basis, including physical violence, but they also might find themselves in emotionally abusive relationships, isolated from friends and family, stalked by a past partner or having their pets or family members threatened. Learn more about the widespread issue of domestic violence at our first open community education event in Hillsborough!
FVPC will be hosting a Domestic Violence 101 community education event at the Hillsborough Public Library on Monday August 23th at 6:30. The event will focus on:
1. Understanding the basics of domestic violence
2. Exploring common myths and stereotypes
3. Finding out about the services and resources FVPC provides
4.Learning ways you can help!
Domestic violence affects your friends, family members, and co-workers. Learn more about what you can do to help.
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