Barriers Immigrant Victims of DV Face July 29, 2010

A recent CNN story investigated the effect of the new Arizona immigration law on domestic violence victims’ willingness to contact the authorities to report abuse.  Despite the fact that Orange County does not have a law like the one in Arizona, immigrant DV victims still face significant barriers in reporting their abuse.

According to our Latino Services Coordinator, many abusers manipulate victims by threatening to expose a victim’s illegal immigration status to the police if she or he reports the abuse.   Abusers often hide or destroy important papers (passports, ID cards, health insurance cards, etc).  Isolating victims from friends and family and not allowing them to learn English functions as another way for abusers to keep control. Abusers also use victims’ children to maintain power by threatening to take children back to their countries of origin or by claiming that the authorities will take their children away from them if they report abuse.

Immigrant victims also face a large number of logistical setbacks  in attempting to leave domestic violence situations.  For example, language and cultural barriers exist between many immigrants and service agencies lacking Spanish speaking advocates or interpreters.  While this issue may seem insurmountable, steps are being taken to advocate for immigrant rights.  Many DV agencies have employed Latino Services Coordinators and other bilingual advocates.  Courts and law enforcement officials are also working to better serve the immigrant population. Despite these initial actions to better serve the Latino community here in Orange County, it is important to recognize that even though North Carolina does not have a law like the one in Arizona, victims’ legal status often impacts their ability to confront domestic violence.

What are your thoughts on the role victims’ immigration status plays in domestic violence cases?

Bi-Lingual (Spanish/English)Advocate Intern Needed July 28, 2010

Family Violence Prevention Center is seeking a bi-lingual (Spanish/English) advocate intern to speak with walk-in clients or callers to our 24-hour hotline. Post- 45-hour training, s/he would provide emotional support and informational resources (legal, medical, mental health and shelter options) to victims of domestic violence, their friends and family members.   This internship is for daytime office only, ranging from 16-30 hours per week. Ideal applicants will have strong listening skills, be able to work with diverse populations and have a commitment to the rights of men, women and children affected by domestic violence.

Visit our website to download an application.  Completed applications can be submitted via fax, email or postal mail. Applicants will be contacted to set up an in-person interview with the Latino Services Coordinator & Volunteer Coordinator.  Successful applicants will also be required to complete paperwork for a criminal background check.  This is an unpaid position which offers substantial opportunity for personal growth and professional development.  Ideal start date would be mid-August and end late December.

Community Educator volunteer training July 27, 2010

Along with Hotline Advocates, FVPC relies a great deal of our community educators.  Community Educators go out into the Orange County community and work to educate the general public about issues of domestic violence and dating violence.  Our Community Educators can be seen at local health fairs, in our public schools, in front of community partners such as local businesses or churches.  We’re on the UNC-Chapel Hill campus, in classrooms, at tabling events and speaking to on-campus groups and organizations. We also go into police departments as well as the Department of Social Services to train their staff on some of our best practices.  One of our newest community ed projects is time in the Chapel Hill-Carrboro middle schools this fall.  We will be in 6th & 8th grade classrooms during the year talking to Health classes about relationship skills (what’s healthy, what’s not and how to get help, if you need it).

All of our presentations are free and they are often open to the public.  But we need volunteers to continue to make this outreach happen!

Our next Community Educator volunteer training starts Tuesday September 7.  This training is (shorter than our Hotline Advocate volunteer training) taking place over 6 sessions, running approx. 20 hours. The trainings are free but we do ask for a 9-month commitment.  If you have an interest in primary prevention of domestic violence, have strong presentation skills and enjoy meeting new people, we’d like to hear from you!  Download the Volunteer Application from our website here and we will be in touch to set up an interview.   If you are interested in volunteering but worried about fitting training into your schedule please call and we can discuss options for your volunteer training!   You can also email me with any questions that you have: vccoordinator (at) fvpcoc.org.

Just listening *is* helping July 25, 2010

One of the questions frequently asked of FVPC advocates is “How do you make clients feel better?” or “What do you do to fix client’s situations?”  It is a difficult to help people understand that our job as advocates is not to tell clients what to do or make their choices for them, but rather to support, listen and empower clients to make their own decisions and have faith in their own ability for creating positive change.  We try do this by active listening.

Active listening functions as one of the most valuable tools each of us has, whether we work with clients or not.  Active listening is a structured way of listening which focuses entirely on the speaker.  Advocates use active listening skills during crisis intervention in order to help the client focus and feel understood.  It is non-judgmental and accepting while conveying the desire to understand what the client is feeling and saying.  Active listening helps the speaker clarify their though, vent if they need to and better understand their feelings.  Often  people come to us with problems to be heard and validated, not necessarily to get a solution.

Here are some questions you can ask yourself to become a better listener:

1. Who is doing the majority of the talking- the person with the problem or me?

2. Am I asking questions based on my own curiousity or are the questions that I’m asking relevant to the issue that they are struggling with?

3. Am I listening or  making to do lists in my head?

4.  How does he/she know I am listening? Am I reflecting feeling and content back to him/her?

5. Am I empowering him/her or trying to “fix” the problem?

Here’s another tip:  Ask open-ended questions like: “I’d like to hear more about your job.” as opposed to “Do you like your boss?”.

“People may not remember exactly what you did, or what you said, but they will always remember how you made them feel.”  And, you can make them feel more positive, or even understood or helped,  by active listening.

Wanted: Shredder! July 23, 2010

We need a shredder for our office! Have you recently upgraded your office equipment?  Or, do you just have an extra shredder that you wouldn’t mind parting with?  If so, we’ll take it.   If you’re able to help, please contact our Volunteer Coordinator at vccoordinator(at)fvpcoc.org.  Thanks!

Domestic Violence and Custody Issues July 21, 2010

A southern California mother recently found her two children reported missing 15 years ago using Facebook.  The Huffington Post reported that the children’s father, Faustino Utrera, took the children in 1995.   The children are currently placed in custody by the State of Florida.  Initially, the daughter did not wish to re-establish a relationship with her mother.  Utrera has been charged with two felony counts of kidnapping and violating child custody orders.  Stories like this one illustrate the complications of child custody,  both legally and emotionally.  Our Court Services Coordinator, Lindsey, discussed her experience with custody issues and domestic violence with me.

It is more difficult to get custody of one’s children than most people realize, even if someone is the victim of domestic violence.  While victims (and DV advocates) understand why they ought to be awarded full custody, judges do not always agree with giving one parent sole custody of a child(ren).  But, as we know, domestic violence is a learned behavior.  Many batterers either become abusive towards their children or begin teaching their children abusive behaviors. So, leaving children with an abusive parent can be dangerous for the child in more ways than the obvious.

Additionally, child custody issues require an attorney, a cost that many victims cannot afford.   Victims are often left to rely on informal custody agreements which can be broken without penalty.  If both parents have legal rights to the child*, one parent can take the child to another county or even another state without informing the other.  Many times victims will call the police if their abuser takes the kids away but if no formal custody agreement exists, no legal recourse exists. Victims also often feel frustrated with the duration of custody battles.  While many victims might feel the need to leave abusive situations immediately, fear of losing their children can keep them in a violent, unhealthy environment.

Sadly, while victims can take their children and leave their abusers without any legal difficulty, victims who leave their children to escape abusers can be charged with abandonment and often have an extremely difficult time gaining custody of their children in the future.

How do you feel about how difficult it is for abuse victims to gain custody?  Leave us your thoughts!

*meaning both parents are listed on the birth certificate

LUNAFEST! July 20, 2010

While we know that domestic violence affects both men and women, the majority of victims are women.  It was this very fact that popped into the mind of Tina, an FVPC volunteer, when she was eating one of her daily LUNA Bars,  “I found out about the LUNAFEST® fundraiser while reading the back of the Luna Bar box.  As a community educator volunteer, I believe LUNAFEST will spread the word in our community during Domestic Violence Awareness Month about the services that we offer.  I am thrilled to bring LUNAFEST to Chapel Hill!”

LUNAFEST® is an evening of short films by, for, about women® to be held as a fundraiser for the sponsoring organization, FVPC and The Breast Cancer Fund.  The films range in time from 2 minutes to 15 minutes.  They might be in English or another language.  The focus of LUNAFEST are the stories of women, in small town America or in a foreign country.

LUNAFEST will be held October 7 at The Varsity Theater in Chapel Hill. LUNAFEST arrives in early October, just in time for DVAM. Tickets go on sale September 1st! There’s also a T-Shirt design contest and the winner will receive a $50 gift certificate to Aveda.

We hope to see you October 7th for this incredible event.

Support Group Snacks Sponsors Needed

Are you or a group you’re a part of looking for a way to support FVPC’s work to end domestic violence in our community?  Provide snacks for our weekly support groups! You can make a one time donation or have a regular date (like the first Monday of every month) that you provide snacks. Childcare for the women who attend our support groups is always free. Your snack donation goes a long way to help out.  If you or your group are interested or have questions email our Volunteer Coordinator at vccoordinator (at) fvpcoc.org

Volunteer Spotlight: Jackie H.

FVPC is a small organization in the number of staff we have on hand (just 4 full-time and 2 part-time staff) but a gigantic organization when it comes to volunteers and the passion that they have for the work we all do.  As I gear up for volunteer training (starting September 7!), I started to reflect on all the folks that do so much for us, free of charge and out of great love.  Periodically, this blog will spotlight one of those volunteers.  This post is the first.

Name? Jackie Helvey

What do you do for FVPC? Website design and maintenance

How long have you been volunteering with FVPC? “Not sure! A few years.”

Why do you do this work? “I used the FVPC in 2002 when ending a bad marriage, and always wanted to pay them back for all the help they gave me when I had nothing. They went to court with me, provided free group counseling, helped me in so many ways. This is how I pay them back.”

And, we are so lucky to have her!  Jackie’s business UniqueOrn Enterprises is here. Check it out! Thanks, Jackie, for all you do.

Deadly Consequences July 19, 2010

Tuesday William House fatally shot his wife, Devinee House and 14-year old stepson Dakota Johnson before turning the gun on himself at the family’s home near Clayton.  News and Observer reported that Devinee and William’s divorce was almost finalized and Devinee felt optimistic about her future away from her abusive husband. Along with the physical abuse and murder committed by William House against his wife and stepson, equally troubling are the various warning signs that apparently went ignored before the homicide/ suicide occurred.  Increasing DV awareness among the public (including law enforcement) as well as accepting DV as a community issue-not a personal one-can prevent greater tragedies like this one from occurring in the future.

Devinee House called the police to her house four different times in the last twelve weeks while trying to deal with leaving her abusive husband.  The sheriff’s office “did not know whether [deputies] ever referred William and Devinee House to a counselor during the four calls they answered.”   This is unacceptable.  Devinee House should have been immediately referred to her local DV agency (in this case, Harbor Inc.).  Local law enforcement should know that the most dangerous time for a woman in an abusive relationship is when she is planning to leave her abuser.  Assessing the lethality of Devinee Houses’ situation and referring her to a DV agency in her community might have helped save her life. Especially given the history of abuse in the marriage.  The divorce paper claims that William House once threatened to kill Devinee and had a history of verbal abuse and humiliation of his wife.  The constant verbal abuse and fighting of the couple should have functioned as an indicator of the danger of the situation and of Mr. House.  If an abuser has ever threatened to kill or injure the victim, the risk of homicide is 15 times more likely.

Along with a lack of DV education, the myth that domestic violence is a “private family matter” still pervades our society, as the article clearly indicates. A neighbor said that he heard gun shots early Tuesday morning but didn’t call 911 because he didn’t want to get involved.  Domestic violence is a community issue.  As such, all members of the community need to help eradicate domestic violence.  We can start by accepting that no one deserves to be abused.  That’s Step #1.  At FVPC, we believe that Step #2 as community citizens is to be active bystanders and reach out to our neighbors, friends, siblings who we believe are in trouble.  An incident of battering is rarely an isolated occurrence.   It also may be helpful to remind ourselves when we hesitate to get involved that physical violence is a crime regardless of who is involved.

Even with greater domestic violence awareness and community members acting as active bystanders, dv- related homicides will still occur.  But this doesn’t mean that we should commit ourselves to helping everyone live violence-free. How do you think we as a community can strengthen our commitment to DV education and advocacy? What would you do if you heard gunshots coming from your neighbor’s house?  Leave us your thoughts!